my grandfather told me a big fat lie.
he said, "do you know that Malaysians don't eat guava? Only the cows there eat guavas. And the ones that the cows don't eat, they export it here."

I believed him right up to the point when I saw my uncle trying not to laugh.
bloody hell.
I thought old people had better things to do.

I hate cockles.
they look & smell disgusting.
I bet they taste disgusting too.
I asked Fadilah what they tasted like,
and she said.. okay I forgot what she said.
THEY ARE IRRITATINGLY GROSS.
I think that if I ever ate one accidentally, I'll just ... run away from home.
or have goosebumps my whole damned life.
aiyah, I'll just commit suicide lah.
they look like 3 months worth of my brother's boogers put together.
I hate them.
but I hate taugeh the most.

does your blood taste of metal?
mine does.
I'm not saying that I've licked a lamppost before but you can just taste metal by smelling it right.
but you know, I think I actually licked a lamppost before.
does your blood taste of metal?
I want to donate blood.
I am very healthy okay.
I don't have tar and nicotine in my lungs and I don't drink.
I want to donate my body parts whn I die.
hahahahaha.
anyone who gets my stomach is lucky.
it's super efficient okay.
so efficient that it's annoying.
can I even donate my stomach in the first place?

I don't know what's wrong with my father okay.
you can like scare him, then do it 15 seconds later and repeat the whole process till you get tired and he still gets frightened every single time.
and to think that I haven't even started exagerrating.
I forgot how to spell exagerrating. is that how you spell it?
okay back to him.
you don't even hav to scare him okay.
you just have to TRY scaring him and he'll jump.
I mean seriously.
you can scare him 76793 times every few seconds and he still doesn't stop getting scared.
cool ah. he's my entertainment.

and he has yet to buy me a damn mattress.